It's called Twilight: New Moon. Why am I writing about a movie I have literally no interest in paying to see, and not even on OnDemand? Because the guy who plays the character Demetri, Charlie Bewley, is a dead ringer for my uncle Jimmy, my mom's younger brother (out of the seven she has to pick from). He has my sister's, aunt Marie and her sons' eyes, he has Aunt Marie's hair color, and that squinty-eyed look we all of us get when we're in the sun. He has the forehead we all do -- really high brow. He has mine and my daughter's jaw. My eyebrows (but he also has a makeup artist to make his show up, whereas mine look as if I haven't any, even with the black hair bit going on).

There's only one way a guy with the last name of Bewley who's a Briton could resemble me and mine so much: It's called "shared DNA."

And the British Bewleys try to act as if we Irish-Catholic American Bewleys aren't even family. Oh fucking PLEASE. Get a goddamned grip, you eejits! As if! All Bewleys look alike, you...oh, I don't even have a word for how many shades of "stupid" this strikes me as.

...and that motherfucker, Charles Bewley, is undoubtedly my cousin by blood. He looks like every Bewley I know, and they all answer to "Irish-Catholic."

And if he ever sees this and actually has interest in emailing, ok. I'd love to see how much more alike we are than I know right now, because all I know right now is that he really is my cousin, and he's one of the British ones we actually descend from, because he looks like me and all my mom's family and my very own daughter. He's a dead ringer, rubber-stamp-copy of my very own uncle Jimmy.

It's just too weird and I don't know how many shades of crazy that some dude I don't even know who's very definitely family is splashed all over everywhere and has millions of eejitin' fans, but he'll probably never see this because he'll probably mistake me for a eejitin' fan. Definitely not. I can't begin to leave that and run the other way at transwarp factor ten fast enough. "I left that behind about a million eons ago" would be a great way to describe it. Yuck.

It'd just be nice to meet the rest of the family that I come from and find out all about them. I've heard all about them all my life. The last time any of us heard from that side of the family was during World War II.

I'd also like to find out how much he knows about the other side of the story, if he does know. Or if he's as crazy as the rest of us. DNA seems to transmit more than just physical characteristics. It seems to implant certain personality traits I've also noticed, so...it'd be really nice to know how much he actually is like his American cousins that he probably doesn't even suspect exist.

Here I am.